Monday, 22 October 2007

Have You Ever

Have you ever...

Hated being right?
Anticipated something painful and inevitable?
Been crushed?

There is a girl that I think I let myself care about a bit too much a bit too soon. And it's new for me: actually having interest in someone; actually wanting some kind of relationship. I am very attracted to her and I love being in her company.

But I felt like I was a lot more into it than her. And I was right.

Bless her heart for being honest with me. It takes a lot of courage to say what she did to me. She broke my heart. It's not an easy thing to do- I know from experience, it really messes you up afterwards- but she did it. And I am actually very grateful.

But I am also hurt! Hurt in a very new and very uncomfortable way!

I somewhat expected it from the beginning, however, because of a theory I have about life. About the different worlds of our different lives. That is, she lives in a different world from me: with different friends and different associates. I was just not established in her world. I mean, I am not thought of in the same light as a roommate or a friend she has known for months, mostly because we just met three weeks ago.

All the pieces and branches of her life intertwine. I just grow alone, somewhere next to it.

Basically, I have no place in her world. I could only have a place if she brought me in. But she didn't. She has her reasons, I'm sure, but the bottom line is...

She didn't give me a chance.

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